Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
