Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
