I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
