I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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