It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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