ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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