It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
