YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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