im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
