so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How external is "for external use only"?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
