Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
