Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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