Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
