I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
