Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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