Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
