At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
