hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
