I just threw up on my dentist
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
