We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
