She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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