why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
