She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize