Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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