OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
