We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
