alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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