Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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