Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
