oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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