jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
