Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
