i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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