When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
