This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
