you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let the clothes fall where they may.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
