oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
