Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
