12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
