What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
