dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
