Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
