how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
