Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
