U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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