I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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