I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
