i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
