so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
