peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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