My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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