Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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