If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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