If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
