i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
