I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
