Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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