M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
