Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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