so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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