I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
