We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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