Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
