this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize