2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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