i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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