Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
