some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
