bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
