i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
