the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
