instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
