You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
