i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
