I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
