If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
