now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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