Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
