if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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