She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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