i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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