new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize