it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
