so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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