im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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