I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
