We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
