I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
