Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Iโm pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. Whatโs up?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
