why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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