I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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