Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
