What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
