I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
