yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
